People Must Taste Like Chicken

Lately it seems as though eating people has become the “cool” thing to do. The most notable case that caused people to cry zombie apocalypse was the Miami man who attacked a homeless man, eating 75% of the his face before being shot several times by police. Officials speculated that the attacker was hopped up on bath salts, a form of LSD, which is said to cause cases of rage, hallucinations and paranoia. As it turns out, a completed autopsy revealed that attacker, Rudy Eugene, didn’t have bath salts in his system–the only thing found in his body was marijuana. If that’s not the perfect PSA for staying away from weed then I don’t know what is.

The news of the autopsy has zombie enthusiasts even more adamant that a zombie apocalypse is on the rise and looking at the evidence, there have been several different cannibalistic cases in recent months that may support their theories.

Back in April a Massachusetts man ate his wife, insisting that she was not his spouse. Seventy-nine year-old Jieming Liu, an immigrant from China (someone needs to check people in China for the T-virus) attacked his seventy-three year old spouse, Yuee Zhou, severing and devouring her left arm below the elbow and eating several of her fingers from one hand. The man’s son found his father sitting in a chair soaked in blood and repeating, “This is not your mother.”

April also had another case of cannibalism and murder which occurred in Brazil. A man, his wife, and his mistress, murdered at least two women, ate part of their bodies, and then used parts of their flesh to make stuffed pastries known as empanadas–which they then sold to neighbors in their Brazil City.

Speaking of Brazil, although not a cannibal case, the death and brief resurrection of Kelvin Santos is a notable entry in the zombie saga. Two year-old Santos died of pneumonia while in the hospital; however, the young boy sat up in his coffin, asked his father for water, and then died…again. The incident baffled authorities who said that Santos sat in an airtight body bag for 3 hours before being released to his family.

The cases only worsened around the same time of the Miami attack when a Maryland college student admitted to killing his roommate and eating his heart and brain. Sounds delish, doesn’t it? Alexander Kinyua, 21, attacked Kujo Bonsafo Agyei-Kodi with a knife, dismembered him, ingested his heart and brain, and secured his head and hands in a tin in his family’s basement. Kinyua disposed of the rest of the body in a dumpster behind a church nearby. Kinyua had no explanation for why he did what he did but one thing is certain: he was hungry.

The hunger for human flesh seems to be growing and the cases just keep happening. Last Tuesday, a bus driver in China attacked a female motorist, biting her face and leaving her nose and mouth brutally mutilated. The man ran into the road, jumped onto the woman’s car and began banging on her windshield. When the woman tried escaping, the man ran after her and began chewing on her face. Witnesses tried to stop the attack but insisted that the man was “too crazed” and could not be removed from the situation. He was later arrested and the attack was caught on camera for the internet to ponder over.

Currently, a former Canadian porn star, Luka Magnotta, is facing a murder trial over his lover, Jun Lin. Magnotta video taped himself hacking Lin to death and eating parts of his flesh. Following the murder, Magnotta allegedly sent Lin’s body parts to Canadian politicians.

My guess is that the cases are going to be more noticeable in the news, mostly due to the Miami case that caused many to worry that a zombie apocalypse has begun. There have been bizarre cases like these that have been happening for some time but it’s only now that they are making the news and standing out because people have started to pay attention. The Miami attack opened Pandora’s box and I think that the events are only going to get worse. Maybe they will be the cause for the end of the world, which is right around the corner!


  1. Anonymous

    GO CANADA! oh wait, no that is a bad reference. for the record that guy from quebec just cut him up and mailed the body parts to the conservative party (if i had a hand to mail, i would probably send it to them too hoping it smacks them in the face). he also sent parts across the country to a school but didn't eat the guy. CANADA IS ZOMBIE FREE!
    really tho, t happens all the time. now with zombies making their way into today's pop-culture more stories are being reported and shared.

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