True Blood Season 5 Premiere Recap

Remember when True Blood used to be good? It’s been a while and after viewing the first episode of season 5, I was still left unimpressed and by the look of what’s to come in future episodes, I’m guessing that I will continue to feel that way. Last night’s season 5 episode was boring, slow, and a bit cheesier than usual and I hope things will heat up with the introduction of The Vampire Authority.

Last night’s premiere, Turn! Turn! Turn!, picked up exactly where last season left off: Tara had been shot in the head by Debbie Pelt, Eric and Bill had just murdered Nan, and Alcide had just killed Marcus–the head of his werewolf pack. The opening of the season showed how the characters dealt with their situations, respectively.

Sookie and Lafayette are overcome with emotion from the unexpected death of Tara and when Pam arrives looking for Eric, the pair beg her to turn their friend into the creature that she hates most–a vampire. Pam reluctantly agrees, after deciding that Sookie will owe her (of course), and she feeds her blood to Tara and allows herself to be buried with her to complete the transition. While waiting to see if their plan works, Sookie and Lafayette clean up Debbie’s body and discuss the events prior, including the death of Lafayette’s boyfriend, Jesus.

Sookie is also visited by a distraught Alcide, still oblivious to Debbie’s murder, informing her that Russell Edgington has escaped his cement grave.Alcide insists that Russell will come after Sookie and she must come with him so that he can keep her safe. However, feeling guilty for murdering his former love, Sookie turns him away and decides to handle the situation on her own.

Meanwhile, Eric and Bill are captured by the Authority and on the way to their destination, the pair team up to get themselves out of the situation. They blow up the car, miraculously unscathed, only to find that one of the Authority members transferring them is Nora, Eric’s “sister”, who had planned to rescue them all along.

A bunch of pointless chit-chat and awkward-creepy sex where Eric and Nora call each other brother and sister occurs followed by the news that Russell has escaped. Eric and Bill agree to go into hiding, in order to keep themselves and Nora safe, however, before they can get away, The Authority captures all three vampires.

During the vampire shenanigans Sam is being stalked by Marcus’ pack who are looking for his body. For fear that the pack will hurt Luna and Emma–and because he doesn’t want to rat Alcide out–Sam tells them he killed Marcus and goes with them. After being tortured, he eventually brings the pack to Marcus’ body where Alcide shows up with Luna and explains that he murdered the greasy wolf. Then Marcus’ parents proceed to eat Marcus’ body–um, wtf?

In the midst of all the “action”, Jessica has Bill’s estate to herself and she decides to act like a college kid and invites a bunch of random college students over to party. Jason shows up, because he still wants Jessica (who wouldn’t), but is sad to find that she seems to have moved on. Along with this boring scenario, Terry and his mysterious marine buddy (played by Scott Foley) bicker over things that happened during their service and it becomes clear that the two are a part of something bigger.

As usual, True Blood always jams so many different storylines into one episode and season, making it almost hard to follow along or even care about everything that is happening. Poor Sookie and all of the people who are dying and leaving her–wah, wah, wah. Uh, I don’t give a crap about her “poor” life–show me more of her Faery powers! Take the girl back to the faery world that season 4 opened up with and never spoke of again. Please.

And enough of the Jason and Jessica romance! It’s boring and drawn out. I want to see Jason be the manwhore that he is meant to be. I’m still convinced that the only reason he even loves Jessica is because she fed him her blood. And since when did little-miss-constant-virgin become such a promiscuous being? I don’t get it. Their entire relationship is annoying and uninteresting.

I’m not sure what’s going on with the Bellefleurs but I would love it if the writer’s actually revealed ANYTHING once and a while. The mystery between Terry and his buddy will probably be dragged out to the point where audience’s forget it even existed. Sigh.

I am excited to see The Vampire Authority and see Christopher Meloni kick some ass–and he better kick some ass. I’m not sure if I like Bill and Eric’s new bromance; there were a few times I was expecting them to lean over and start making out with one another. It’s fun when they hate each other and bicker–no one wants them to be friends. At least, I don’t.  

And dear lord, do not even get me started on Tara. I wanted that bitch to die like 3 seasons ago and for some reason the writers are keeping her around. I cannot stand her and her self-righteous attitude and her hatred for the vampires. Yeah, we get it, Tara. You had a hard life and vampires are always making it worse–you don’t have to keep pouting and reminding us of it every five seconds.

When she was shot in the head last season I was so happy because I thought the show had finally rid itself of one of the worst and most annoying characters on there. BUT, in the last few seconds of the show she comes back as a vampire and apparently attacks Sookie. Following the show we were given clips throughout the season and it looks like Tara is going to be A LOT more annoying as a vampire. Can’t friggin’ wait.


I will obviously continue to watch True Blood, no matter how awful it is, because I do love some of the characters and I do love their world. I just wish that things were better. Please get better.

What did you think of last night’s episode?


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