What’s the longest running and most popular “reality show” in the world? According to Shark Night, it’s Shark Week, which technically isn’t a reality show, rather a week of different shows, but I get what they were saying. Hmm, now how could a group of hillbilly rednecks produce a show as popular as shark week and make tons of money off of it? Simple: capture sharks from a flood and let them loose in a salt water lake so you can film them killing off locals one by one. That’s the premise for the horror film and it’s totally believable. Not.
From the initial previews of Shark Night, which was released in 3D, I immediately knew that the film wasn’t going to be a masterpiece but I thought that I would have fun watching it in all of its ridiculous glory. Except, it was way worse and corny than I had imagined and I found myself laughing, not with it–but at it.
The film follows a group of college kids who go on a weekend getaway at a lake house in Louisiana. In the group we’ve got the stereotypical Latina, the token black dude, the nerdy but insanely attractive loverboy, the promiscuous one, the pretty boy, the girl of everyone’s dreams, and the dude who looks like he’s friggin 40 years old and should totally be graduated from college already. Throw in some sharks and we should have a pretty awesome movie, right?
Anyway, the party starts right away with the kids taking the boat out on the lake to do some water skiing when–UH OH–there’s something in the water. The token black guy gets his arm bitten off, but manages to swim back to shore, freaking the hell out of the rest of the gang. Hysteria ensues once the loverboy jumps in the water to rescue the arm (wouldn’t it have been eaten and in the shark’s belly?) and discovers a big ass shark lurking in the water. OH NO, what ever are they going to do?
Right away you should be saying to yourself: Ok, they’ve got a phone, they’ve got a boat–there is plenty they can do to survive! But wait, their cells don’t have service (how convenient) and there’s no house phone. OH and the drunken sheriff is too busy messing around to see the flares that they shot into the sky. They’re totally screwed, eh? At least there’s still the boat.
So the kids jump into the boat to take the injured black guy to the hospital and somehow, even though his arm is all bandaged and whatnot, he lets his blood drip into a drain and off the boat, letting the hungry shark trail them. But a shark can’t out-swim the boat, so they should be fine. Wrong. The shark hits the boat, knocks off the Latina and she gets eaten. Then, somehow the boat malfunctions and they drive it into a dock, causing a HUGE explosion that no one off shore seems to notice–not even the local police.
From here, the movie only gets more ridiculous with the appearance of the ever-so-common crazy hillbilly locals who are up to no good–and one happens to be pretty good looking and always without a shirt. Hmm, I don’t think real hillbilly locals look that attractive in real life. If so, I want me a hillbilly local. Throw in the awful acting, a scene where two guys–one with a missing arm AND A SPEAR–hold down a hammerhead shark and kill it, plus the unbelievable twist explaining the situation and you have yourself an awful shark movie.
The movie could have been an entertaining campfest, if it was intentionally trying to be that way, but I’m pretty sure that the film took itself completely seriously. How the hell do you take yourself seriously when you’re making a movie about a bunch of sharks living in a friggin lake, with cameras strapped to their bodies no less. How are the people of the town missing all of this commotion?!
There were so many scenes that caused me to shake my head in shame–a shark outsmarts a human by somehow managing to swim ahead of his jetski and then proceeds to jump out of the water, head on, to take him out? I’m sorry, but really?
I did enjoy when the hillbillies were explaining the amount of different species of shark (some number in the 300’s) however, the film failed to utilize this bit of information by only including a few species, most of which we already have seen before in other shark films. The most entertaining part of the film was the introduction to the “cookie cutter” shark, which was something I wasn’t aware of before the film. However, other than that, it was just bad.
Not even the adorable and bikini-clad Sara Paxton could save this shark movie, which even copied the iconic introduction to Jaws. Skip this one, unless you’re smoking weed one night and have a 3D TV to actually enjoy the movie for the full effect.